When You Are Disappointed With Your Marriage

THE CHALLENGE

You and your spouse seemed to have so much in common—before you got married, that is. Now, disillusionment has driven a wedge between you, making you feel more like cell mates than soul mates.

You can improve your relationship. First, though, consider why you might be disillusioned.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Reality sets in. The daily routine of working, raising children, and dealing with in-laws can chip away at marital bliss. Additionally, unexpected problems—perhaps a financial setback or caring for a family member who suffers from a chronic illness—can strain a marriage.

Differences seem irreconcilable. While dating, couples tend to overlook differences. Once married, though, a man and woman discover just how unalike they are in such areas as communication styles, money management, and problem solving. Differences that once were merely an annoyance may now seem intolerable.

You have become emotionally distant. Over time, a buildup of unkind words or actions and a backlog of unresolved conflicts can cause a husband or wife to withdraw into an emotional shell or, worse yet, begin to form an emotional attachment with someone else.

Your expectations were unrealistic. Some people walk into marriage believing that they have found the one person they were meant to be with. While that notion may seem romantic, it can be a setup for disaster. As soon as problems arise, the myth of the “perfect match” is shattered, leaving both spouses with the feeling that they made a mistake.

 WHAT YOU CAN DO

Focus on your spouse’s good qualities. Try this: Write down three positive qualities that your mate possesses. Keep the list with you, perhaps on the back of a small wedding picture or in a mobile device. Regularly refer to this list as a reminder of why you married your spouse. Focusing on the positive qualities of your mate promotes peace and will help you put up with your differences.—Bible principle: Romans 14:19.

Plan special time together. Before you were married, likely you both set aside time to do things together. Dating was new and exciting, but it was not left to chance. Why not do something similar now? Plan occasions where you and your spouse can spend special times together, as if on a date. Doing so can help you draw closer to each other and enable you to cope better with life’s unexpected problems.—Bible principle: Proverbs 5:18.

Discuss your feelings. If you have been hurt by your spouse’s words or actions, can you overlook the matter? If not, do not play games by resorting to the silent treatment. Calmly talk things out with your mate as soon as you can, that very day if at all possible.—Bible principle: Ephesians 4:26.

If you have been hurt by your spouse’s words or actions, can you overlook the matter?

Discern the difference between your feelings and your spouse’s intentions. Likely neither one of you ever intends to hurt the other. Assure your spouse of this by sincerely apologizing for any hurt feelings you may have caused. Then discuss what specific things you both can do to avoid unwittingly causing hurt feelings. Follow the Bible’s advice: “Become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another.”—Ephesians 4:32.

Be realistic in your expectations. The Bible acknowledges that those who marry “will have tribulation.” (1 Corinthians 7:28) When you experience such tribulation, do not hastily conclude that your marriage was a mistake. Instead, work with your mate to resolve differences and “continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.”—Colossians 3:13.

KEY SCRIPTURES

• “Pursue the things making for peace.”—Romans 14:19.
• “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.”—Proverbs 5:18.
• “Do not let the sun set while you are still angry.”—Ephesians 4:26.
• www.jw.org

Is Flirting Harmless Fun?

What is flirting?

Some people think of flirting as conveying the impression through words or actions that you are romantically interested in a person of the opposite sex. Is it wrong to show that you are romantically interested in someone? Not necessarily. “If you’re in a position to date and you’re interested in someone,” says a young woman named Ann, “how else can you find out if the feeling is mutual?”

In this article, however, we will discuss the kind of flirting that involves acting as if you have a romantic interest in someone when you have no serious intent.

“It’s one thing to pay special attention to someone because you want to start a romantic relationship. It’s a different matter to lead someone on and then pull the rug out from under him because you were never really serious.”—Deanna.

 Why do some people do it?

Some people flirt just to boost their ego. “When you realize you can attract that kind of attention, you may want more of it,” says a young woman named Hailey.

But if you intentionally give the impression that you have romantic interest in someone when in fact you do not, you show a callous disregard for the other person’s feelings. You also call into question your judgment. The Bible says: “Foolishness is a joy to one lacking good sense.”—Proverbs 15:21.

For good reason, Hailey concludes, “Flirting may begin harmlessly, but it often ends dangerously.”

 What are the dangers?

Scott and Jeslyn

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• Flirting hurts your reputation.

  “A person who flirts comes across as insecure and immature. You feel that she is not being honest with you but is only trying to get something out of you.”—Jeremy.

  The Bible says: “Love . . . does not look for its own interests.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.
  To think about: What kind of words or actions could cause you to gain a reputation as a flirt?
• Flirting hurts the person you flirt with.

  “If I meet someone who is flirty, it makes me not want to be around him. It’s as if the only reason he’s talking to me is because I’m a girl. People who flirt don’t really care about me; they only care about making themselves feel better.”—Jaqueline.

  The Bible says: “Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person.”—1 Corinthians 10:24.
  To think about: Have you ever been led to believe that someone had a romantic interest in you, only to find out that you were wrong? If so, how did you feel afterward? How can you avoid hurting someone else in that way?
• Flirting hurts your prospects for genuine romance.

  “A flirt would be a totally undesirable person to marry or even to date. How could I really get to know or trust someone if he is just putting on an act?”—Olivia.

  In the Bible, the psalmist David states: “I avoid those who hide what they are.”—Psalm 26:4.
  To think about: What kind of person does a flirt appeal to? Is that the kind of person you want to attract?
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• What your peers say

  
  

  

  “If you’re a flirt, you will hurt people, and those people will tell others what you did. The longer you continue flirting, the bigger the stain you put on your reputation, and the harder it is to wash off.”—Scott.

  
  

  

  “Flirting can really damage your reputation. In fact, a flirt comes across as insincere and untrustworthy and is not someone I would pick as a close friend.”—Jeslyn.

The Two Keys To A Lasting and Happy family life

The family is one of  oldest institution in mans history. But today it is face with many trouble like,the high increased in teenage drug abuse and immorality,the high rate of divorce and family violence,the explosive growth in the number of single parents and many more.this make many Wonder if the family can really survive and be happy.
  The Answer is YES.it can both survived and filled with happiness.but only if one know and apply the Two KEYS that leads to a successful and happy marriage.
             THE FIRST KEY.....[LOVE]
 The  first key is True Love.not just warm love or affection, not romantic love that one can feel for
anyone of the opposite sex,but the love called Aga'pe.a self sacrificing love.a love that move one to put the interest of the other person ahead of his or her own.the type that cover a multitude of error.when one have this kind of love,he or she will treat his or her mate the way he or she wants to be treated.
            THE SECOND KEY.....[RESPECT]
  Any marriage where deep respect exist,there Is bound to be joy,happiness and success. A woman who love and respect her man will not talk down of him in present of others, not even their kids.the same thing apply to the man.
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How To Tell Its Real Love And Not Infatuation

 You think you have found the right person, both of you regular see each other and spend time together. You think about each other  and always look forward to meeting each other as often as possible. And before long you feel you are in love.but the question is, how can you differentiate between Attraction, Infatuation and Real love?
  Well, attraction is base on what you see,or what is pleasing to the eyes.but the fact is,what will see is not always the truth.sometimes people fake what or who they are.beside what if what attracted you to the that person is no longer there tomorrow? Honestly,that is not love.
  On the other hand,infatuation though look more like love,but its not.infatuation is not just what you see or hear,but its also what you feel at the moment. Meaning just like every other feelings we do have at each moment which do change with time or circumstances, infatuation also fade away or change in circumstances can just make the feeling we have for someone cool off or even die completely.
  So then what is real love? how do one know its real love and not attraction or infatuation? Real love grows with time when both people are kind,caring,cherish and respect each other.and when they have the same gaols in life. Ask yourself, is that person am thinking of have the real attributes of love? Remember,love is not proud, does not look for his own interest but that of the other person.love is kind, endure all things, hope all things and believe all things.love never fail,but its always there buy ur side.it sees the dark or ugly side of you and still very much willy to stay by your side. Also its good you know how he or she treat his family members, because that tells you indirectly how he or she Is going to treat you.so simply say, real love is based on what you really know....

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